Guidelines
by Morrigan's Wings
Summary: For the sanity of everyone involved, learn the rules.


Wizardkind has long been in the habit of keeping secrets, masking their true power from frail mortals, as the hidden halls of Edinburgh well show. Many wonders lie there, carefully guarded. Deep in the heart of the White Council's fortress, just off the narrow, twisting path, there lies a room. It is an ancient place, a hallowed site, a greatly mystical altar. It will one day be of great significance to the Council, nay, even to the entire world. It will be both the source and ending of a great and powerful destiny.

But until then, that room's kind of boring. After all, until the stars line up and someone brings the Chosen One in, there's not much to do there.

Instead, let's try the room for trainee Wardens. At least they have coffee.

That room isn't remotely hidden or mysterious. It's pleasant, spacious, and surprisingly well-lit. The furniture is old and eclectic, but still quite comfortable. There's the couch, assorted chairs, the coffee maker, and, on one wall, a bulletin board.

On the board is The List (capitals mandatory), a set of sheets with neatly printed rules on them, and slightly less neat handwriting where someone has taken it upon themselves to add a comment or objection. No one knows quite when the list started, but everyone can see why. After all, soldiers in the making or not, the trainees are still teenagers. And teenagers are so miraculously skilled at getting into trouble…

**Warden Guidelines**

**(These are for your **_**own protection**_**)**

There is a time and place for everything, including fire magic. But not now and not in here.

If you can't figure out what that artifact does, don't pick it up.

The Foo dog statues don't just want tummy rubs, and it is wrong to tell newcomers that they do.

The ability to brew an anti-hangover potion is not an automatic pass to drink as much as you want. Especially if you're underage.

Captain Luccio does not want a makeover.

The purpose of geomancy is not to create rude carvings in the stone walls.

Don't mess with the coffeepot. It's how most of us stay functioning.

Warden Ramirez has a bizarre sense of humor, and should not be automatically believed. Unless you're in a combat situation.

There is a line between courage and stupidity, learn not to cross it.

Any spell that creates copious amounts of green slime should not be practiced indoors.

The position of a Warden is closer to policeman than superhero, so take off the mask and tights.

'A Wizard's Staff Has a Knob on the End' is not the official theme song of the White Council, even if it is traditional folk music. Wherever did you find such a suggestive song?

Bigfoot cannot be persuaded to live with you.

Even if we did live in a comic book universe, Warden Morgan would not be a superhero known as Captain Paranoia, nor would Dresden go around calling himself Collateral Damage Man.

You will not go through the Ways unsupervised until your training is done.

PMS cannot excuse your behavior if you are male.

Stop making Tinkerbell jokes around the Fae.

In what universe did semi-sentient golems made out of Jell-O seem like a good idea?

The phrase 'it's only a flesh wound' should not be uttered while undergoing a medical evaluation.

You should be wearing something below those robes. Underwear, at least.

No, we aren't going to give you an allowance.

There is no excuse for summoning demons into the _plumbing_, of all places.

After that last Fetch incident, no more mirrors. We still haven't gotten those stains out of the tapestries.

You will not insinuate that any Senior Council member is suffering from dementia.

If you burn off somebody's eyebrows, they have every right to be annoyed.

Don't flirt with anything that isn't human, it almost certainly won't end well.

There _are _male White Court vampires, even if they are confusingly pretty. Stop declaring that it's all a sham and they only come in one gender.

Illusions do not exist solely for the purpose of making a dramatic entrance.

Stop testing lawyers for demonic influence.

You are all exceptional. Every last one of you has perfectly good levels of common sense, skill, and intelligence, and we wouldn't have trained you if you didn't.

Just apply them once in a while, and we should all make it out of here alive.

Author's Notes: Wow, I haven't written anything in a small eternity… Still, considering some of my older stuff, maybe that's a blessing. Hopefully I'll be doing more soon.


End file.
